Tuesday, September 6, 2011

A New Day

Well the day has finally arrived. Both of my children are in school full time and a part of my job is completed. I am not sad but I am not happy either. As I sit here writing this I am just not sure what the feeling is. A little over nine years (can't believe its been that long!) I went on maternity leave for Justin. At the time I didn't know that I wouldn't be returning to work in the traditonal sense. I assumed that I would return to work outside my home after a year like most of my friends had done or were planning on doing. I was okay with that until I actually went out and had an interview and got offerred a job. It was then that I fully realized that I did not want to send Justin to daycare. That I wanted to spend everyday with him watching him grow and learn. I have never once regretted our decision. That does not mean that I loved every minute of my time with the kids because that is certainly not the case. Some days were extremely hard dealing with constant whining, crying, fighting, huge messes and little patience. But I knew the next morning would start out fine and that all I had to do was make it until dinner when Brad would come home to take over so I could get my sanity back. I have also been secure in the knowledge that I was doing the right thing for my kids even if I never receive any praise or acknowledgement for it. Let's face it, kids are never going to pat you on the back and say "good job today mom, you really gave it your all!" I have never been given a raise or a promotion (unless you count mom of two instead of one?) to prove to me I am being successful. All I have is what I see before me. Two happy, healthy kids who love us and each other (most of the time). Neither entered JK knowing their alphabet or how to write their names but they do now. They went without tears and wanted to go back the next day. To me that is a success. So today I am starting a new chapter in my life. I am excited at the prospects ahead and a little nervous that my primary job description has changed forever. As I walked the kids to school today and stood waiting in the playground for class to start I felt this overwhelming sense of monumental change happening and tried to capture it with my camera but of course could not. I couldn't make the kids stand there while I tried to compose the perfect shot that would convey all of feelings. Sometime a picture is not worth a thousand words which is why I felt I needed to write it down today. I have always struggled with writing my thoughts, preferring the more newsy approach of who, what, when, where, why of the story and not much else. But over the past year I have been doing alot of scrapbooking and learning about scrapbooking and journalling and I am trying to make more of an effort to capture more of my feelings on paper, for me and for my kids to read in the future. I plan on using my blog more to do this.

So this is my first entry on this new day. Now I am going to pat myself on the back and say "Good Job Mom."

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